Book review: Forging Queer Leaders

By Al Preston

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            I picked up Forging Queer Leaders: How the LGBTQIA+ Community Creates Impact from Adversity by Liz Cavallaro and Colonel Bree Farm because I was expecting narratives and interviews with current LGBT+ leaders—it was published in 2024 after all—and the authors are not only LGBT+ themselves but members of the military. They are also very knowledgeable about what makes a leader a leader. I was excited for the insight they and their narrators may have. I was also interested in what queer folks in the military were doing, a subject I’m very unfamiliar with.

            Having those expectations, I was a little let down. Which is certainly not the book’s fault. Forging Queer Leaders is actually an analysis of leadership theories and how LGBT+ leaders fit those theories, utilizing the narratives from queer leaders to demonstrate this argument.

            I would have personally chosen a different method of doing this and as different order of the chapters. Now I’m getting ahead of myself…

            This is a good and interesting book. Cavallaro and Farm are newer authors and this book isn’t just about the people they interviewed. It’s about leadership, specifically good leadership. What it looks like and how queer folks seem to have it in abundance. This is an introduction to the complex theories about leadership, especially within a social justice field and the military. While they did not intend to focus so much on the military, it was a bit unavoidable when they are so embedded in that community.

            I have my issues—don’t I always—with how the book was set up, I did really enjoy such a deep look at what leadership is and what makes good leaders. I have not interacted much with leadership theory or even leadership lessons. Never taken a class either, although I have been mentored before, mostly by museum leaders.

            This book’s audience are those new to leadership or new to LGBT+ inclusivity. Not so much for those who have been leaders or have researched queer leaders extensively like myself. Once I realized that, many of my issues were secondary to what the book was actually setting out to do. All that being said, I do still have some issues. The most important, to me, is that they do not clarify their message soon enough.

            Much of this book focuses on how LGBT+ folks’ status as a minority, and an invisible one at that, gives them good leadership skills. Adversity can and does create people with more empathy, listening skills, and resilience to take on tough challenges.

            Cavallaro and Farm do clarify that they do not believe adversity (in the form of bigotry, abandonment from family, or possibly violence) is necessary to be a good leader and that the goal of most every leader is to end adversity for LGBT+ people, but it is not until the very last chapters of the book. Personally, I think they could have made their last chapter their first and I wouldn’t be nearly as bothered during my read.

            Something I loved about the book was that the authors often let their narrators speak for themselves. Throughout the book, the narrators spoke about how they wish to prevent the struggles they went through, although never directly. Sometimes, especially on a topic such as this, it’s better to be direct.

            I did appreciate that they took the time at the end to address this:

            “But while well-intended, if these biases remain unexamined, what unhelpful impacts might our beliefs have? Could we unintentionally send the message that some level of adversity faced by LGBTQ+ leaders is useful, and therefore to some extent acceptable? Might we inadvertently come across as apologists for beliefs or actions that marginalize? Do we run the risk of over-simplifying the narrative to the point where the need to do better gets lost?”

            While I can confirm that they did not over-simplify and that they did bring up the need to do better, I feel that they didn’t quite hit the mark on addressing the whole issue. Letting the narrators speak about how defining moments of adversity affected them is good, it was not acknowledging those parts of their story outside of their narratives that was ineffective. At least to me.

            This paragraph and far more in-depth discussions about these difficulties take place in the last chapter of the book, which is one of the best chapters, in my opinion. While its intent was to sum up the book, it felt more like an introduction to the topic and the difficulties one can face in talking about this topic. Had it come first, the rest of the book would have had that base knowledge that all of these leaders did not want others to face the same adversity they did to become good leaders.

            While I didn’t get as many narratives as I would have liked, I did identify heavily with their words and the goals of Cavallaro and Farm. There was a huge emphasis on being out of the closet so they could be authentically themselves, express empathy to everyone they are leading, listening skills, being able to see multiple viewpoints, and leading by example.

            Most of Cavallaro and Farm’s advice for new leaders was to be empathetic but firm. Be understanding, but don’t let bigoted behavior slip by. Be yourself and willing to be the bravest person in the room and almost naturally, others will grow to respect and follow you. No matter who you are facing, maintain your belief in yourself and your values.

            One of my favorite quotes from one of the narratives was this one from Matthew Rose:

            “It’s about never leaving people behind. We have to meet people where they’re at because if we don’t, we leave them there. It is possible to both uplift and bring people forward.”

            It felt great to see someone else express this belief. Many people believe that some people aren’t worth acknowledging or talking to and to meet that person where they are degrades your respectability and means you have completely sacrificed your own morals. That’s not how that works and that’s not what it means, at all, to meet someone where they are at.

            We can’t move forward as a society without the vast majority of society. We have to at least understand each other and be willing to work together towards common goals, even if we can’t meet eye to eye on everything.

            It can be hard to speak with someone who may have beliefs or like people with beliefs that fundamentally seek to destroy your existence. Doing so is not for everyone, nor does everyone have to. Some people will not allow you or themselves to understand or hear your viewpoint. Some people have made their beliefs fundamental to who they are as a person and letting go of those beliefs can be too difficult.

            It’s important to know your limits when it comes to talking to bigoted people. However, the vast majority of people you may meet are just as angry and upset as you and often about the same things. They have just been led to different figures offering them answers. They may not have had the luxury of living somewhere with the ability to access vast amounts of knowledge. Some political beliefs are passed down from parents to children.

            There will always be bad eggs, cruel people who will not change, but most people deserve empathy and compassion. That does not mean to let their bad behaviors slide. It means having the mutual respect to call them out on their bigotry.

            Good leaders, according to Cavallaro and Farm, know this and are able and willing to do that hard work to elevate others alongside them. It’s not an easy job and it’s not for everyone and that’s okay!

            I do think this book did a good just of demonstrating what makes a good leader and that alone is enough to read it, even with all of my complaints.